When she first heard the news she felt physically sick, and she knew grief, but only for a moment.
Then she was calm, and that was even more devastating than the hysteria.

She wanted to be upset. She wanted to tear out her hair and scream and cry. She wanted to feel like the world was ending, so that she could grieve and be done with it, because she knew that this kind of grief would hit her hard, but not now.

She was distraught.
She wished she was distraught.



rest in peace.